


Living In A World On Fire

by HippieGeekGirl



Series: Bright Nights, Dark Days (We're Gonna Be Okay) [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Bisexual Character, Comfort Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Demisexual Character, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Life-Affirming Sex, M/M, Major spoilers for episode 44, Non-Explicit Sex, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Unintentional Cruelty to Plant Life, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 19:57:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6253870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HippieGeekGirl/pseuds/HippieGeekGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the ill-fated quest to the Raven Queen's tomb, Vax and Gilmore cross a much more personal threshold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living In A World On Fire

Gilmore heard the commotion in the town square as the group returned, followed by the concerned murmuring of the nearby townspeople. His relief at seeing his friends together and safe quickly disappeared when he recognized the looks of quiet devastation on their faces.

It was clear that something had gone terribly wrong.  
  
  


It was Keyleth who filled him in on the details of what had happened. They'd gone in search of an ancient holy artifact (in the back of his mind, he was already trying to remember if he'd ever learned anything about the Vestiges) and fought off enemies great and small, only for Vex’ahlia to fall victim to a deadly trap. They'd brought her back, at great risk to themselves, but the ritual had come far too close to failure.

She didn't tell him how Vax had begged the god to take his life instead. She still wasn't sure how to deal with that.

“I don't know what to do,” she admitted, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I don't know how to help him. I don't know how to help any of them.”

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, feeling entirely helpless himself. “Where is he now?”  
  
  


Vax was currently pacing the cobblestones like a wounded animal waiting for its predator to move in for the kill. The sun had just begun to rise over the horizon. He'd spent a restless night by his sister's side only for her to insist that he take a break, frustrated by his constant hovering. Pike had stayed with her, the warm light of her holy symbol a bastion against any lingering darkness, and he trusted her completely. And yet.

_Less than a minute. She'd been out of his sight for less than a minute._

His hand tightened around the dagger at his belt. He knew none of them were coping with this well. Keyleth hadn't been able to stop her tears, Scanlan had been far too silent, and Grog had taken to his ale even harder than usual. Even Trinket seemed to be on edge, refusing to let anyone into Vex’s room unless she told him it was alright.

Percy was avoiding everyone, and it didn't take Vax’s keen observational skills to figure out why.

He didn't even realize he'd thrown the dagger until it embedded itself nearly to the hilt in the trunk of the city's most sacred tree. The next thing he knew, he was on his knees, struggling for breath as the edges of his vision grew dark. He fought the urge to strike out as strong hands lifted him from behind.

“I can't…” he gasped. “I can't do this anymore.”

“You can.” He recognized the deep, commanding voice and let himself lean into the arms encircling him. “Vax'ildan. Look at me.”

He tilted his head up to look into Gilmore’s eyes, seeing nothing in them but concern and tenderness. 

“Breathe with me.”

He did as he was told, leaning against the other man to feel the rise and fall of his chest as his panic began to subside. Another pair of arms reached around him as Keyleth joined them, a welcome presence in the corner of his eye as the storm inside him eased. She was careful not to hold him too tightly. 

“We should go inside,” Gilmore whispered after a few quiet moments. Breaking down like this was hard enough for Vax without being in full view of the public, even if there weren't many people awake yet. “Can you walk?”

He nodded. “Kiki?”

She was still gently rubbing his back. “Yes?”

“Can you tell her I'm sorry?”

It took a moment for the meaning of the request to sink in, but she nodded, kissing his temple before moving toward the tree. She pulled the knife away, placing her hand over the wound it left, and began to speak quietly. Neither of them could hear what she was saying, but when she moved away, the hole in the wood was closed.

It might have been his imagination, but Vax thought the tree's budding leaves looked a little bit greener.  
  
  


“Shaun?”

Gilmore wasn't surprised to hear the voice from the shadows, nor was he confused about who it belonged to. There were only a handful of people he allowed to call him by his given name, and only one of them would be lurking in the corner of his room. He hadn't seen Vax all day, intending to let him work things out with the help of the people who knew him best, but he could see by the pained look on his face that this might have been a mistake. “What is it?”

Vax moved out of the shadows and into the light of the single candle on the desk, taking a seat on the end of the bed. “You told me not long ago that I could always come to you if I needed you. Is that still true?”

“Always.” He was surprised at the strength of the simple word. He hadn't realized how much he'd been holding back.

Vax nodded, his hand clenched around the edge of the bedspread. “There's something I need right now and I'm not sure how to ask.”

He set aside the paperwork he'd been going through a few minutes ago, turning his full attention to the conflicted man in front of him. He sat beside him, taking his free hand and entwining their fingers. “Tell me.”

“I need you to take me to bed.”

From the hesitance in his voice to the way he wasn't quite looking at him, it was obvious that he wasn't talking about sleep. “Does Keyleth know you're here?”

“She's the one who sent me.” He laughed, the sound utterly devoid of actual humor. It never failed to amaze him that Keyleth, for all her sheltered awkwardness, seemed to know his heart better than he did. “She's not… this isn't something she can help me with.”

“I'm going to need a little more explanation.”

Vax turned to face him, the tears he could no longer hold back clearly visible in the candlelight. “A part of me _died_ yesterday, Gil. And I don't even know if I mean that metaphorically.” He let go of the bedding to take Gilmore’s hand and press it to his chest. “I need to know that there is _life_ here. That somehow, somewhere, there's a future for us.”

His conviction faltered then, and Gilmore pulled him into his arms, rocking him slowly in a comforting motion he wasn't even consciously aware of. “It's not the first time I would have chosen for us.”

Another empty laugh. “No.”

“You deserve so much more.”

Vax froze, making a low quavering sound that might have been a sob. There was long still moment before he could bring himself to speak again. “So do you.”

“Vax'ildan…” The name was somewhere between a prayer and an absolution as he pressed their lips together, softly at first but with growing urgency. It was, he realized, their first kiss that signified a beginning rather than an ending.

Vax was the first to pull away. “Tell me you want this? That you're not just doing this for me?”

It was a hell of a question after that kiss. The man was so afraid… Gilmore kept his voice low and steady as he leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“I have wanted this for so long.”

They took their time after that, undressing slowly, as if this encounter was a precious gift they were giving each other.

“That's exactly what this is,” Vax sighed when he voiced this thought. He reached behind Gilmore’s head to undo his hair tie, letting the loose waves settle around his bare shoulders. “You're so fucking gorgeous…”

Their thoughts grew hazy as comfort and affection mingled with unrestrained passion. Tentative touches grew bolder as they learned every curve and plane of each other's bodies. When they finally came together, it felt like they were simply meant to be with each other.

Perhaps that was exactly the case as well.

Vax pressed against him, sated and content to drink in the feeling of skin on skin. “Thanks.” The look on his face was almost sheepish. “It's been a while since I've done that with anyone.”

Gilmore let that thought go unanswered as he reminded himself to not lose sight of the other reason they were doing this. “This is a beginning,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss to the top of Vax’s head. It was as much a reminder to himself as it was to his new lover. “I want you to always keep that with you, no matter how dark things get. Can you do that for me?”

His voice was shaky as he answered. “I'll try.”

“Good.” He stroked a hand through Vax’s hair, seeing some of the fire return to the eyes that had been so full of despair. He hoped this was having the intended effect. “I love you, darling.”

Even after everything they'd done that night, the honest declaration made him blush. “Love you too.” He kissed the other man’s shoulder as he closed his eyes. “So much.”

Gilmore had just enough presence of mind to put out the candle as dreams took them both.  
  
  


He was awakened the next morning by a light knock on the door. As he mumbled an affirmative, Keyleth poked her head into the room, looking as though she wasn't sure if she was allowed to be there.

“Come in,” he told her, voice still sleep-fogged. “It's good to see you.”

She settled on the edge of the bed, watching the soft, peaceful look on Vax’s still slumbering face. It was almost playful, and she realized with a jolt of sadness just how long it had been since she'd seen him smile.

“I'd ask if you slept well, but that seems like a given.” Her laugh was somewhat forced as she tried to pass the moment off lightly. Gilmore found himself charmed by her earnestness as her face grew serious again. “Thank you.”

“For…?”

_For helping him through this. For always being there when we need you. For loving him the way I can't._

“Everything.”

“As I understand it, I should be thanking you.” He reached out to hold her hand, rubbing a thumb across her knuckles. “So… we're doing this. The three of us.”

“Seems that way.” There was still a lot they needed to work out, especially where boundaries were concerned. All three of them needed different things from this relationship, but it could work. It would work.

Her voice was small as she spoke again. “We're gonna be okay, right?”

They both knew none of them could promise that. Soon they'd be leaving him again, off into a world that had already taken far too much from them. But now, just for a few minutes, he could let himself believe the lie. 

“We'll be alright.”


End file.
